Evolve or die! 34

[Still Scruff, the Girl in Grey's mega-cool sister, trying to stop Toxic killing thousands.
"No!" I protested. "You'll kill thousands of people!"
"Thousands of unfit people, people who are no better than parasites on the face of the globe. Human evolution has stopped. Unless the human race begins to evolve once more, we are all doomed to extinction! They must die, little girl, so that the rest of us can live!"
We were manhandled to the edge of the viewing area, above the hub. Toxic took a glass tube from her right boot.
"And now evolution will begin again! The reign of superstition and weakness will end! The age of reason will come at last!"
I was in too much pain from my side to try to get free. I could see Laura was struggling, but she was held fast.
"Toxic, you're insane!" she cried.
"They said Columbus was mad, they said... ow!"
She dropped her glass tube onto the concrete floor, where it broke, and stared in horror at the crossbow bolt that stuck out of her right arm.
"They said Caligula was mad," Emily said, her red eyes blazing. Toxic stared in abject horror at the black smoky girl as she stepped forward.
"What's the matter, Toxic, can't face the fact that you just lost?" Laura said. Toxic did not answer, she just carried on staring at the Outsider.
"Blimey!" one of the thugs cried. "It's the bloomin' Outsider! Scarper!"
The men let go of me and Laura and ran for their lives. Toxic remained rooted to the spot.
"No!" she got out at last. "It's impossible! You can't exist!"
"I exist," Emily said. "So what?"
"There's no such thing as the Outsider! She's a myth, she's superstition! You can't exist!"
"I'm a magically-powered assassin..."
"No! You can't exist! You don't exist!" Toxic sank to the floor, hands held to her temples. Emily dissolved into a gas and drifted over to her.
"But I do. Look!"
"No! no Outsider! No magic! No! No! No!"
she was gibbering with fear now. I smiled painfully at Laura.
"Hey, Black Kitten, what do you know, Black-and-Smoky just has to look at Toxic to make her go nuts."
"Yeah. Guess her naturalistic worldview can't take it," Laura agreed, pulling back her cowl to wipe blood from her mouth. Toxic was screaming in terror now, as Emily swirled around her, laughing. Emily can be really funny sometimes, but Toxic didn't think so.
It was about then that Toxic passed out.
"I think we can go let your sister out now," Laura said. "I'll drive."
I just nodded. My broken rib really hurt.

Infernal Revenue

I opened my inbox this morning to find the following e-mail waiting for me:

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund under section 501 (c) (3) of the Internal Revenue Code. Tax refund value is $203.59.
Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 3-9 days in order to IWP the data received.

If you distribute funds to other organizations, your records must show whether they are exempt under section 497 (c) (15). In cases where the recipient org. is not exempt under section 497 (c) (15), you must have evidence the funds will
be used for section 497 (c) (15) purposes.

If you distribute fund to individuals, you should keep case histories showing the recipient's name and address; the purpose of the award; the manner of section; and the relationship of the recipient to any of your officers, directors, trustees, members, or major contributors.

To access the form for your tax refund, please click here


Regards,
Internal Revenue Service
Copyright 2007, Internal Revenue Service U.S.A. All rights reserved

I replied:

Dear Criminal idiot.

You are caught in my trap. You see, unknown to you, I am in fact a British crime-fighter who maintains the U.S. based e-mail address that you contacted for the purpose of trapping gullible fools like you. Your information has been passed on to the Sparrow, who is even at this moment draining your bank account and sending its contents to your previous victims, Whatever remains will go to charity. Oh, and expect a visit from the law. And if you happen to escape them, I'd be more than happy to teach you a few lessons. I warn you, it won't be pleasant, as I've learned that people like you need to be taught the lesson that crime does not pay, and you need to be taught it painfully.

Yours in anticipation

The Girl in Grey

Copyright 2007, The Girl in Grey, U.K. All rights reserved

Charles Edward ('Chuck') Wilkerson, sender of the message, is now penniless and languishing in a prison hospital. Emily had to stick her dagger in him a couple of times before he confessed.
A word to my readers. You know better than to think these 'phishing' scams are for real. The government NEVER gives you money!

Evolve or die! 33

[Scruff here, the Girl in Grey's cool teenaged sister and world's best sidekick]
Laura (Black Kitten) Moriarty and me fell back before the blindling blaze of Toxic's glove-mounted magnesium flare. I cried out in pain. Those things really hurt the eyes!
A green-gloved fist socked me in the jaw, and I fell back, only to be socked in the jaw again. I struck back, fighting blind against an opponent whose vision was fine, protected by her goggles. I hoped Laura's eyepieces had protected her eyes, otherwise I was going to be severely battered.
"So Jane sends her little sister to fight me!" Toxic spart as she punched me in the tummy. I squeaked in alarm.
"Ow!" I tasted blood in my mouth. Toxic's nasty. But then, if she was concentrating on me, she was ignoring someone who was far more dangerous, Laura. Still, I don't like being punched in the mouth. It hurts, and I'm way too young to want to get a tooth knocked out.
"You want to stop me! You religious people are weak, scared that I'll start human evolution again, that I'll destroy your little scheme! But you'll fail! You always fail!"
Nutcase, I know. But aren't half the super-villains in the world nutcases? Well, they are in the movies, and in the comic books. And the ones Sis fights.
I still couldn't see properly when Toxic threw me to the floor and kicked me in the ribs, where something snapped. Lying there in agony I heard Laura's yelps as Toxic beat her up.
She must have had her night vision lenses in place when Toxic let fly with that magnesium flare, I thought. That must have REALLY hurt. Hey, Laura's pretty cool, but people can be so NASTY to you when you've got those night vision lenses in. Yeah, but we chose to do this the hard way, rather than call the cops in. Hey, there's nothing cool about calling the cops when you've got the skills we have and could deal with the problem yourself.
My vision was starting to clear, and I was trying to forget what Toxic had done to my side. It's not at all fun, and I don't like hospitals. But I do like lying on the couch watching TV, so maybe it wasn't so bad. I'd have Emily to keep me company as well.
And right now Emily was our best hope for stopping Toxic. Times like that I wish I was good at chemistry as well as computers and fighting. But then I'd be the world's biggest geek, and that I don't want.
Someone grabbed me and pulled me roughly to my feet. I yelled in agony.
"Hey! I've got a broken rib here!" I protested.
"Yeah? Well I'll break some more of you," the thug said roughly. Once my vision had cleared again I saw that another thug held Laura fast. Toxic took off our belts and laughed.
"And now you'll see my triumph, the triumph of evolution!" she crowed in insane triumph. "Nothing in the world can stop me now!"

Evolve or die! 32

[Still Scruff, having the time of my life stopping the evil Toxic from killing every drug addict in London by adding something nasty to the water. Laura Moriarty, alias the uber-cool Black Kitten, and Emily Fairbairn, the super-scary Outsider, are helping me. 'Cos they're my friends.]
The Black Kitten hurled herself through the door after Toxic, her costume's black tail whipping through the door after her. I faced three very angry London thugs, each twice my size. I'm rather small. But then, they only knew how to slug people they didn't like. I do Judo and Karate and stuff.
Using my cape like a bullfighter does (and these guys were sort of like bulls. Big and fierce and sweaty and stupid), I fought them, using my small size against these huge thugs (like Sis said, I think there's a captive breeding programme for them). They were slow too, and I'm quick. Hey, I may look like a scruffy computer geek, but really I'm a pretty good gymnast. I leaped, letting two thugs crack heads. Next I kicked the third in the head, and he bellowed with rage.
Like I said, bull-like. And very, very stupid. I mean, they should be grateful I don't kill casually the way Emily does.
I smacked one man's head into the concrete wall, and he suddenly became very quiet and started sleeping peacefully on the floor.
One down, two left. A simple Judo throw smacked one into the other, and a kick laid one out.
I faced the remaining very angry thug with a smile. One of the cool things about my hair is that it's so messy already I don't care about getting it mussed in fights.
"Grrr. I'll break you, little girl!"
"I don't think so!"
I hit him with a haymaker to the jaw. Sometimes the easy stuff's the best. A lot of these thugs have glass jaws too - that's why they're not boxers.
The man whent down like a felled tree, and I cheered myself. Hey, there was no-one else around to do it. And I felt I deserved it. Three thugs, and they hadn't even been able to lay a finger on me. I rock! I am just SO cool. And Emily says I'm getting big-headed. Sorry.
I ran after Laura. I saw her ahead, grappling with Toxic. Toxic's gun was on the floor, and she was obviously quite evenly matched with Laura. The Black Kitten was trying to wrestle Toxic to the floor, while Toxic was just trying to get Laura off of her.
Time for me to help, I thought.
"Hey, Toxic! You suck!"
Well, I wanted to distract her.
Toxic ignored me, and I ran to help beat her up. Suddely the villainess touched one of the cylinders on her right glove, and a brilliant blue flash blinded both of us.

The man who said he was Wong

This morning I opened one of my e-mail accounts to find this e-mail:

Hello:

I am Mr. Peter Wong, one of Hang Seng Bank Ltd board of directors here in Hong Kong. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information. I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. I know you would be wondering why I am writing you with a request such as this but I only urge you to read on.

I need your co-operation in receiving US$10.5Million that has been in a dormant account with my bank since 1997 under inheritance claim. 30% of the total sums will be accrued to you upon the confirmation of the funds in your nominated account. Although it may seem small, but you have to understand and accept this since 40% of the total sum will go to charity, as my entitlement here is also 30%.

The account holder is late and I being his account officer, I have tried to reach any of the next trustees, but to no avail and since I am not in position to make the claim to myself, I can establish you before the bank as the heir to the bequest. It is very important that the claim is made, as the bank will turn the funds over to the treasury anytime from now if it remains unclaimed.

I will provide you with detailed information on the modalities of this operation once I have your interest but I must say that trust flourishes business. Therefore let your conscience towards this proposal be nurtured with sincerity.

Peter Wong

I replied.

Dear Mr. Wong (if that is your real name, which I doubt).

You need to get a proper job. Perhaps you'll be able to get training in prison. You expected me, no doubt, to jump at the offer of 30% of ten million dollars. Unfortunately I will do no such thing. First, I'm already extremely wealthy. Second, what you propose is very, very illegal, and thirdly, your name is not Peter Wong, you do not work for the Hang Seng Bank of Hong Kong, and you do not have ten million dollars to do anything with anyhow. 'Trust flourishes business', you say, but a fool and his money are soon parted, and I don't trust the sort of man who sends these e-mails any further than I can throw him. I intend to find out how far I can throw you as soon as possible. Which will be very soon, by the way.

You see, your proposal, even if it was true, would be very illegal, and there's no honour among thieves. To trust you I'd have to be every sort of a mug. And I mean EVERY sort!

You were more than a little 'Wong' when you targeted me for your scam, pal. You see, I am not the mug that you supposed me to be. Nor am I an undercover law officer. I am in fact a costumed crime-fighter known as the Girl in Grey, and I have a wonderful teenaged sidekick who has the sort of computer skills that are almost required in sidekicks today. She has already traced your REAL location, and we will be paying you a visit shortly. Oh, did I mention I'm a Judo expert and I need a workout?

Yours in anticipation of beating you up

The Girl in Grey.

Actually I set the Sparrow on him first. She quietly emptied his bank account in Nigeria while Scruff, Emily and me flew to Lagos. We are now on our way back, and the man who said he was Wong is now learning a new career -sewing mailbags. He also now knows how far I can throw him. Well, he'd have gone further, but a wall got in the way. Still, medical science today can work wonders.

Evolve or die! 31

[Still Scruff, foiling Toxic with the aid of Laura Moriarty, the cool Black Kitten, and Emily Fairbairn, the cool and sinister Outsider]
Toxic ran for the hub of the water treatment plant, whilst five of her men tried to keep us pinned down with gunfire. I saw the flashes of their pistols and turned to Laura.
"Black Kitten..."
"Time to rely on Emily. Outsider?"
"You think these men are getting in the way?"
Five crossbow bolts, five dead thugs. Emily's very effective. But she was trained as an assassin, after all. She's kind of fun.
We ran down the grass bank to where the truck was parked. It was listing on two wheels.
"You die!"
A huge sword-wielding thug who looked like a retired Sumo wrestler (and he was, we found that out afterwards) leaped down from the van at us.
"Banzai!" he cried.
"Leave him to me!" I heard Emily draw her own sword. "I need to keep in practice!"
The Japanese thug's sword met The Outsider's Indian blade. She laughed.
"Hello, Sumo," she said. "My, aren't you a big target!"
And Emily, being thirteen, slim and black and smoky, isn't a big target at all.
Sis says there are two types of sword-wielding criminals. Those who know how to use their swords and those who don't. I'm afraid Mr. Sumo was the sort who does. But then, Emily's so cool, and she's got so many weapons.
We didn't stay to watch her fight. Instead we sprinted after Toxic, boots silent on the asphalt (hey, they're meant to be). If Toxic got that stuff in London's water supply, thousands would die and we'd have to use bottled water for weeks. I hate both those things, so I wasn't going to let Toxic win. My cape flapped behind me, and Laura's tail flapped behind her. I don't think I'd have a tail on my costume, but it's hers.
We burst into the 'hub, and Toxic whirled to face us.
"Gun them!" she cried.
But Toxic appeared not to know that London crooks are lousy shots. Hey, it's illegal to own a pistol in this country, so there aren't any clubs where they can practice. They're not trained, they just throw lead about the place.
Laura and me dodged flying lead. Laura finally unleashed the two razor-edged Ninja throwing stars she'd drawn from her belt a while back, and one of the gunmen dropped his gun. I kicked the gun from another's hand, and pulled off my cape, which I used the disarm the last man.
They still wanted to hit me, so I let Laura run past me.
We HAD to stop Toxic.

Evolve or die! 30

[More of me, Scruff, the Girl in Grey's cool teenaged sister, fighting crime with the uber-cool Black Kitten and the Outsider, who's also very cool]
"Toxic's here!" I hissed. Emily drew her crossbow and Laura dipped a hand into one of the equipment pouches in her belt. I decided not to ask what she was going to use - it couldn't be much more deadly than Emily, after all. Hey, Emily was trained to kill people!
"We've got to get to the hub before they do!" I warned. Laura nodded.
"Okay. Emily, cover us. Come on!"
I kept my black cape (boy, I'm glad I didn't pick a 1940s Robin costume. Cold legs AND a yellow cape!) drawn over my colourful costume. Laura was just invisible in her black outfit. Our night-vision lenses meant we didn't have any trouble seeing, despite the fact that the lights were out.
And boy what we saw! Toxic was a woman in a skin-tight green spandex costume. I heard Laura chuckle next to me.
"Is spandex really that functional?" she asked.
"Says girl in show-off black outfit," I joked back. I noticed that Toxic had some sort of gun stuck in the top of her right boot, and devices I didn't like the look of at all on the backs of her gloves. But then she was a super-villain.
"I'll go first," Laura whispered to me. "I don't have any exposed skin in this costume, so if she tries some sort of contact poison, I'll be okay."
"And if she tries to dissolve your costume with acid?"
"She's got another thing coming. I'm a whizz at chemistry."
The more I knew Laura, the more I thought she was very, very cool.
"I'll follow up. I may be a bit of a geek, but I do Judo as well."
"I've got a crossbow," Emily pointed out. "I can shoot from here."
"The truck tyres," Laura advised. "We need to keep them from escaping."
"As you wish."
Two bolts left Emily's little black crossbow in quick succession, puncturing the tyres of the truck on the side we could see. With a hiss of air the tyres deflated.
"We're being attacked!" Toxic cried. She pulled a mobile 'phone from her belt, but Emily shot it from her hand - breaking it in the process, of course. That's the fun thing about mobile 'phones, I guess, villains just buy theirs the same place the rest of us do.
"It's that Girl in Grey's friends!" Toxic cried venemously. "Shoot to kill!"
The result of that was predictable. Emily shot one of Toxic's men through the heart. She's kind of lethal like that.
"Hold them off! I'll plant the poison!"
Toxic and three of her men ran whilst the others tried to hold us off.
We were seriously racing against time!