Emily's Inbox Revisited

Emily found this in her inbox this morning. As she doesn't have a bank account, being legally dead and really black and smoky, she showed it to me:

Greetings, I have interest of investing in your country as well as seek your services in a private and confidential matter. My Name is Mr.Bryant Morn, a senior Auditor heading computing department here in our bank. On my routine inspection I discovered a dormant domiciliary account with a Balance of ($14.02 Million USD}.I write to seek your indulgence and assistance in transferring this fund to your country through legal means. I am proposing to make this transfer to a designated bank account of your choice in your country for investment. At the conclusion of this transaction, you will be given 30% of the total amount, 70% will be for me and my Bank colleagues who will help make this business a success. Let me know if you can handle it.Regards,Bryant Morn .

We laughed, then tacked the man down and Emily persuaded him to turn himself in. She can be really scary when she wants to be. And she wants to be.

My inbox revisited

Rising this morning and sitting down at the computer with Scruff and Emily (after I cleared three cats off the desk, keyboard and chair), I found that I had more scam mail:

From: Mr. Richard Klaus.
SA Post Office
P.O. Box 10 000
PRETORIA
0083 SOUTH AFRICA .

{MONEY TRANSACTION}
{THIRTY SIX MILLION USD}
(RE: TRANSFER OF $ 36,000,000.USD)
{BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY/YOUR ASSISTANCE IS NEEDED}

My Name is Mr. Richard Klaus. And I work in the International operation department in a Local Bank here in South Africa On a routine inspection, I discovered a dormant domiciliary account with a BAL Of 36,000,000 (Thirty Six Million USD) on further discreet investigation I also discovered that the account holder has long since passed away (Dead) leaving no beneficiary to the account The bank will approve this money to any foreigner because the former operator of the a/c is a foreigner and from Iraq in particular and I am certainly sure that he is dead and nobody will come again for the claim of this money A foreigner can only claim this money with legal claims to the account Holder therefore I need your cooperation in this transaction. I will provide the necessary information needed in order to claim this money, But you will need to open an account where this can be transferred. If you are interested send me your private Telephone No And Fax number including the full details of the account to be used for the Deposit. I wish for utmost confidentiality in handling this Transaction as my job and the future of my family would be jeopardized if it were breached The information will be as.
Follows:
Bank Name Address--------
A/C Name..........................
A/C Number Even an empty
A/c is still ok! ------------------
Swift Code No.....................
And i am assuring you that the transaction is risk free hence we are going to follow the normal transfer process. Finally a 25% of the total fund will be given to you for your steadfast corporation. Upon the receipt of the above details, payment will be activated by the feeding of your data into payment system, followed by a signal that will be sent to the paying bank to remit funds into your nominated bank account within 5 official working days of receipt of the above information. Contact me urgently via email privately for further details: { richardklaus200000@msn.com }
Thanks.
Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Richard Klaus.

If it looks too good to be true, it is. Especially as the man doesn't know who I am. In fact, if a bank employee really DID want to steal the contents of a dormant account, he'd use a friend as as accomplice, not a perfect stranger he'd contacted over the internet. So we did a little digging, and found the real sender of the e-mail. Emily slipped under his door one night, and terrified him half to death with a sword and her glowing red eyes. He's now in a nice cosy jail breaking rocks and being a useful member of society.

E-mail from the UN?

Checking her e-mail account this morning, Emily found this e-mail, which she decided to pass on (no, I'm not going to give her e-mail address. Let's just say it's blacksmokyoutsider@——.com). The e-mail claimed to come from the United Nations, but she had her doubts. Here it is:

Attn:Sir/ma,

How are you today and hope all is well with you and family?You may not understand why this mail came to you,but i will implore you to take your time to carefully go through this mail.

We have been having a meeting for the pass 7 months which ended 4 days ago at our office head quarters New York(UNITED NATIONS).

This email is to all the people that feel they have been scammed in any part of the world,the UNITED NATION have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US$ 150,000.This includes every foriegn contractors that may have not received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government probelms etc.

We found your name in our list and that is why we are contacting you,this have been agreed upon and has been signed.

You are advised to contact Mr. Jim Ovia of ZENITH BANK NIGERIA PLC, as he is our representative in Nigeria, contact him immediately for your Cheque/International Bank Draft of USD$ 150,000. This funds are in a Bank Draft for security purpose ok? so he will send it to you and you can clear it at any bank of your choice.

Therefore, you should send him your full Name and telephone number/your correct mailing address where you want him to send the Draft to you.

Conatct:Mr. Jim Ovia immediately for your Cheque:
Person to Contact Mr. Jim Ovia
Email: jimovia00001@gmail.com

Thanks and God bless you and your family.Hoping to hear from you as soon as you cash your Bank Draft.

Making the world a better place

Regards,
Mr. Koffi Anann
Former Secretary (UNITED NATIONS).

Nigeria. How transparent can you get? Also the wording is all wrong for a real official e-mail. So we tracked down the man responsible, and Emily gave him a nice long talk on the subject of not scamming people. of course she had to hold his attention somehow, so she did it while shooting crossbow-bolts in a pattern around his head. The man is currently undergoing treatment in a mental hospital, gibbering about being tortured by a ghost. Emily maintains that she was just trying to keep his attention. I believe her, but she forgets that she looks scary to begin with.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

The man who said he was Wong

This morning I opened one of my e-mail accounts to find this e-mail:

Hello:

I am Mr. Peter Wong, one of Hang Seng Bank Ltd board of directors here in Hong Kong. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information. I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. I know you would be wondering why I am writing you with a request such as this but I only urge you to read on.

I need your co-operation in receiving US$10.5Million that has been in a dormant account with my bank since 1997 under inheritance claim. 30% of the total sums will be accrued to you upon the confirmation of the funds in your nominated account. Although it may seem small, but you have to understand and accept this since 40% of the total sum will go to charity, as my entitlement here is also 30%.

The account holder is late and I being his account officer, I have tried to reach any of the next trustees, but to no avail and since I am not in position to make the claim to myself, I can establish you before the bank as the heir to the bequest. It is very important that the claim is made, as the bank will turn the funds over to the treasury anytime from now if it remains unclaimed.

I will provide you with detailed information on the modalities of this operation once I have your interest but I must say that trust flourishes business. Therefore let your conscience towards this proposal be nurtured with sincerity.

Peter Wong

I replied.

Dear Mr. Wong (if that is your real name, which I doubt).

You need to get a proper job. Perhaps you'll be able to get training in prison. You expected me, no doubt, to jump at the offer of 30% of ten million dollars. Unfortunately I will do no such thing. First, I'm already extremely wealthy. Second, what you propose is very, very illegal, and thirdly, your name is not Peter Wong, you do not work for the Hang Seng Bank of Hong Kong, and you do not have ten million dollars to do anything with anyhow. 'Trust flourishes business', you say, but a fool and his money are soon parted, and I don't trust the sort of man who sends these e-mails any further than I can throw him. I intend to find out how far I can throw you as soon as possible. Which will be very soon, by the way.

You see, your proposal, even if it was true, would be very illegal, and there's no honour among thieves. To trust you I'd have to be every sort of a mug. And I mean EVERY sort!

You were more than a little 'Wong' when you targeted me for your scam, pal. You see, I am not the mug that you supposed me to be. Nor am I an undercover law officer. I am in fact a costumed crime-fighter known as the Girl in Grey, and I have a wonderful teenaged sidekick who has the sort of computer skills that are almost required in sidekicks today. She has already traced your REAL location, and we will be paying you a visit shortly. Oh, did I mention I'm a Judo expert and I need a workout?

Yours in anticipation of beating you up

The Girl in Grey.

Actually I set the Sparrow on him first. She quietly emptied his bank account in Nigeria while Scruff, Emily and me flew to Lagos. We are now on our way back, and the man who said he was Wong is now learning a new career -sewing mailbags. He also now knows how far I can throw him. Well, he'd have gone further, but a wall got in the way. Still, medical science today can work wonders.