Legacy of Fraud

This morning I found this in my e-mail inbox:

FROM THE DESK OF: K. A. Adam (Esq.)
ADAM CHAMBERS+SOLICITORS,


NOTIFICATION OF BEQUEST
On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Engr. Lukas Jonas
Würth; I once again try to notify you again by this same email address on the
WILL as my earlier letter returned undelivered.
I wish to notify you that Late Engr. Lukas Jonas Würth made you a beneficiary
to his WILL. He left the sum of USD$15,100,000.00 (Fifteen Million One Hundred
Thousand Dollars) to you in the codicil and last testament to his WILL. This
may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but until his death was a member of
the Helicopter Society and the Institute of Electronic & Electrical Engineers.
According to him this money is to support your humanitarian activities and to
help the poor and the needy in our society. Please if I reach you this time as
I am hopeful, endeavor to get back to me as soon as possible to enable me
conclude my job. Kindly reply through this email: barr.adamcamber@gmail.com
and
include to your contact list.

Yours in Service,
K. A. Adam (Esq.)
Email: barr.adamcamber@gmail.com

Now call me a suspicious little blonde in a cat costume, but I didn't think it was genuine. First of all, if it was, it would have had my name, Jane Hill, in it, not just 'you' all the way through. In fact, it didn't have my name in it at all, not even in the 'To' line. Secondly, I'm not exactly poor and needy. My pal the Sparrow tracked the e-mail using her amazing cybernetic abilities, and I dropped in on Mr. Adams at his office in Craven's Inn (one of the seedier Inns of Court in London). I used Emily's amazing interrogation abilities (threatening him with a particularly vicious dagger. Well, crook solicitors aren't known for being brave) to discover Adams' plan, which had been to take huge fees from his victims and then claim that the legacy had been eaten up by court fees or contested by relatives of the non-existent millionaire. Instead of which he's in jail in Wormwood Scrubs, and struck off for good, which serves him right for thinking he could get something for nothing.

I love it when that happens. In other news, I'm waiting for a vital piece of new hardware to be delivered before I get back to recording the British Museum Case, but watch this space. Meanwhile I've got to watch Royal Mail, who've probably lost my new toy. And I'm not happy that the Green Man's old girlfriend hasn't finished getting over him yet.

Oops!

Sorry for the great gap in posts, but Emily used my router for target-practice, and Scruff then managed to accidentally infect the system with a virus she created to take down the Serbian Mafia.

The British Museum Case - 5

"Okay, Miss Spooky, I'll buy it," I told Miriam reluctantly. "But watch it. I've seen some fantastic things, which is why I'm going to take on trust this story about ancient witches and magic helms, but one sign you haven't been completely honest with us, and I'll teach you a lesson you won't easily forget."
"I understand. In my life I have met many who did not trust me."
She sounded irritatingly calm, particularly considering her story that an ancient Celtic goddess was loose in London.
"So, what's this Shianna girl look like?"
"About your height, red hair, sixteen."
"And if she's wearing the helm..."
"It is not that easy. The helm can make itself invisible. She may look like any other tourist for all that I know."
"You don't give us much to go on. No photograph?"
"No. I... I am afraid that I did not anticipate this happening."
At least Miss Mystery was apologising, I thought. Hey, I wear a cat-costume, so I'm allowed to be catty. Well, that's how I look at it anyhow.
Frankly, I'm not too happy about Laura. She started dressing up in her skin-tight black PVC costume to stop her Dad, but she'd done what I did - one outing in the costume isn't enough if you can take it.
This newcomer was different. Now I'm open-minded, I know that just because you can't measure a thing doesn't mean it doesn't exist, but I still have a hard time with magic, especially magic done by mysterious girls in long black capes.
"where do we start?" I asked her.
"The British Museum. I do not know why those mummies came to life, but It is the only clue that we have to where The Morrigan may be."
"Okay," I agreed. "But you've got to come too. And we all need to be in civvies, 'cos I'm not the most popular girl in the world where the Bobbies are involved."
"Jane!" Laura objected, obviously having detected the less-than-subtle tones in my voice. "Don't be like that! Miriam's a friend."
"Yeah, a friend who hides her face with a black hood. Come on, Laura, be smart! But okay. In civvies."
"I... I do not... I look rather out-of-place in... in civvies," Miriam objected.
"Yeah, but you'll look pretty odd in that cloak as well."
Miriam reluctantly raised a gloved hand to the fastening of her cloak.

The British Museum Case - 4

Miriam was silent for a while under her hood. At last she spoke.
"It is... complicated. She is called Shianna. Her past is.. mysterious."
Like you, I thought. This MIriam seemed to be intent on giving us the minimum of information. I don't like that. Okay, so I can withhold information with the best of them, but what gave Miss Spooky the right to expect our help without telling us what was going on?
"So why is she so dangerous?" I decided to ask the obvious question.
"Shianna possesses the Helm of the Morrigan. It is an artifact of tremendous power that was forged in Ireland more than two millennia ago.
"The Morrigan was an ancient Irish war-goddess of vast power. Legends abound concerning her, and I do not know what is true and what is accretion. This much I do know; that two thousand years ago Ireland was ruled by a race of sorcerers of such vast power that the common people thought them gods. These sorcerers took the land from its past rulers, giants of sorcerous power known as the Fomorians. The Morrigan was the queen of these sorcerers.
"Using their knowledge of sorcery, they extended their lifespans by centuries, so that they seemed immortal. But it is not for men to make themselves immortal, and as these spells weakened, so did they. They were unable to resist the invading Gaelic race, and they retreated to their underground strongholds. There they grew old and, one by one, they died. The Morrigan feared that dissolution, and so in a final desperate bid for life, she cast a spell that bound her soul to her golden battle-helm.
"But she miscalculated. The spell destroyed her mortal form, and she was helpless without a person to wear the Helm. For more than fifteen hundred years the Morrigan was trapped in this helpless state. None dared wear the Helm, and she could not communicate. Then, some years back, I came across the Helm in a private collection. My... abilities made me receptive to the Morrigan's power, and she used me to take the Helm and give it to Shianna, who is descended from the ancient kings of Ulster. I say the she used me because that is what she did. Having been a Queen whose magic abilities led men to worship her, she was not used to asking for help. It took a titanic struggle for Shianna to master the Helm and to keep the Morrigan from imposing her will upon this world. Understand, she is not evil, but she is from another age when such things were accepted.
"Shianna has been able to control the helm until now. For the artifact that we sought proved to be of the Fomorians. Reminded of that race, the Morrigan overpowered Shianna. I fear for what she will do now. I know that you find my story fantastic, but that I cannot help, it is the truth."

The British Museum Case - 3.

Thankfully it was NOT a super-villain plot, and we stepped out into Laura's sitting-room. She pulled off her mask and sighed.
"Miriam, you knew that someone was going to attack the British Museum?"
"Not attack," the cloaked girl corrected, still completely concealed by her cloak. "But yes, I was aware something like this might happen. I am truly sorry that I was not able to prevent it, but she is able to fog my crystal ball."
Great, I thought, one really weird magic girl.
"You're not making a lot of sense," I pointed out, a little annoyed.
"I know that I am not," she extended one hand, covered by a blue glove and wearing a silver ring with a large sapphire in it. "I am sorry. All that I can tell you is that there is a being of huge magical power in London. And she is unhinged."
"Miriam," I said with all the patience I could muster. "If you need help, we'll help you. I guess Laura's already told you..."
"No, Laura has very loyally kept your secret. But I know that you are the Girl in Grey. The police say that you are a criminal, but I know that you are in fact the champion of the dispossessed. Thank you for your offer of assistance. I am sorry that I must ask, for it will be exceedingly dangerous, but I cannot do this alone."
"good," I smiled as I sat down on the sofa. "Now, I can see you prefer the mysterious stranger approach, but if I'm going to help, I'll need some more facts."
"Which you shall have. I do not usually work alone. Although I am naturally of a somewhat... solitary disposition, I have over the years found some very good friends. Alas some have died, whilst others have retired from this work, whilst I must go on, it seems. Some of my friends are otherwise occupied at present. When I learned though my crystal ball of a terrible threat to London, I travelled here with a friend. Alas, the threat was too personal for her. Its nature unhinged her, and now she is as much a threat to this city as the being we came here to fight. It is for this reason that I reluctantly approached Laura, and then your sister contacted her."
"So you need help finding this errant friend of yours. Look, if you created that magic portal, how powerful is she?"
"Powerful enough to turn this whole city into a blasted wasteland, I am afraid. Normally she is quite... responsible..."
"But right now she's unhinged and might do anything?"
"Yes," Miriam admitted.
"Okay," I laughed. "Why not. I'm in."
"Me too! Scruff cried. Everyone except Miriam found that funny, and I don't think she has a sense of humour.

"So," I said pointedly. "Who is this friend of yours?"

The British Museum Case - 2

"Get behind me, Scruff!" I exclaimed as other tourists ran screaming from the gallery. Scruff shook her head.
"Hey! I'm not some wimpy kid!"
"I know you're not, Scruff, but these things are dangerous!"
A mummy smashed through one of the display cases behind us. Scruff turned and kicked it, breaking off one of its legs.
"Hey, do they all break this easily?" she asked me.
"Pretty much, yes. But there's usually a lot of nasty things around the place too."
Scruff's 'phone rang. To my amazement she took the 'phone out and answered it.
"Hi, Laura! We're being attacked by mummies..."
I smiled. Laura Moriarty, alias the Black Kitten, was an ally of mine, and one of Scruff's best friends. True, she's a pain, but she's quite tough and smart as well.
"Yeah, we're in the British Museum. Sis thought... The Egyptian gallery, of course! Where else would they have mummies? Well, of course the Egyptian sort! Don't be silly! Oh, you're being mean!"
I tried to use my judo training to protect Scruff while she talked on the 'phone. If we'd just brought little black smoky Emily with us, she'd have seen the things off with her sword and all those other weapons she had under that black smoky cloak of hers.
"Okay, Laura! See you!"
Scruff turned off her 'phone and smashed a mummy's face in.
"What was that?"
"She's coming."
"WHAT?!" I was surprised, to put it mildly. What on earth was Scruff doing?
"Yeah. Laura's got one of her friends staying with her. A girl she met in Cheltenham, at the races..."
Only Scruff, I thought. Laura was well known for her wearing a tight black costume, but...
It was then that the gallery flared with light. Something seemed to open up in one of the walls that I was sure was extremely solid, and Laura jumped through, followed by someone else who was flying and completely concealed by a hooded black velvet cloak.
"Abominations!" she cried. "Return to what you were!"
To my amazement the mummies stiffened and fell, lifeless corpses once more.
"Hi," Laura was dressed in her Black Kitten outfit, and she looked pretty menacing in it. "This is Miriam. We met in Cheltenham when Doctor Alchemy was trying to nobble horses..."
"This is far worse," Miriam said seriously. "Come, let us go from this place..."
"Yeah, before they bill us for the mummies!" Scruff exclaimed. The mysterious girl nodded.
"Yes. Come with me."
We stepped into the glowing portal in the wall, and I hoped that this was not some super-villain plot.
It's been known to happen!

The British Museum Case - 1.

I like living in London. Lots of people say they can't stand the city, but I was born in London, and I've always lived there apart from three years at University in Manchester and of course my years at a boarding school in Surrey.
One of the great things about London is the cultural stuff. The national museums and art galleries. Now I'm kind of old-fashioned about art. If I look at a picture, I like to be able to see what it's meant to be. I hate those swirls of paint that look like something I did at primary school that get sold for millions. I mean, why? I could do a whole lot better!
Scruff's a bit of a computer geek. And a comic book reader (hey, she's sixteen), so she's really into low culture. I'm trying to teach her about the finer things in life. Ms. Madison tried, but gave up. Still, she's not family. She has some excuse for giving up.
So I'd decided to combine Scruff's visit to a comic shop with a visit to the British Museum. People gave us some funny looks, me in my neat clothes and my extremely untidy sister make an interesting pair.
It was a quiet day in the museum. Which means it was still pretty busy. Of course I remember when I was a little girl, and the reading room was still part of the British Library. The Great Court still rather impresses me.
Scruff clutched her bag (which is as scruffy as she is) and looked around in amazement.
"Hey, Sis, I like it."
"So do I. Now, where do we start? The place is huge..."
"Mummies?" Scruff asked.
Mummies it is, then. Glad you came?"
"Of course! Sis! You've got a date tonight, haven't you?"
"Green Man, a nice cosy place I know in Southwark. I just wish he'd hurry up and propose to me. A girl can't wait for ever, you know. Yes, I know about Sparrowhawk, but that was ages ago, and I want to get married in the spring."
Yes, I sounded desperate. The Green Man has that effect on me.
"Sis, you sound desperate!"
"Well maybe I am desperate. Did you think about that, Scruff?"
"Yeah. It's funny."
Little sisters. Why bother trying to get sympathy out of them?
We climbed the stairs to the Egyptian galleries, and I tried not to think about the Green Man. That's just impossible with me. I'm in love, and I don't mean maybe.
"Hey! Mummies!" Scruff exclaimed as we entered the gallery. "Kind of dead, but rather..." she screamed.
Scruff's not the screaming type, but when a mummy comes to life in front of her, even she can get scared. I was rather spooked too - and I've seen it before!

Evolve or die! Epilogue

[Back to Scruff, 'Cos I want to]
I was sitting on the sofa in sweater and trousers while Emily made some supper (she's such a good cook. Okay, so she does Indian food all the time, but hey, she learned to cook in India, so go figure). I really hate having a broken rib. It hurts. But Toxic was insane, so that sort of made up for it.
Sis and Laura came in through the window and pulled down their cowls. Laura looks so cool in her costume, but I keep saying that. Okay, it's true, but still...
"Scruff!" Sis exclaimed. "Laura said Toxic hurt you!"
"Yeah," I confessed. "But we stopped her!"
"Curry for four!" Emily called from the kitchen. Sis sighed.
"Emily! I've got a date with the Green Man in fifteen minutes! He's coming here to pick me up. We were going to have dinner at the Savoy!"
"I'm very hungry," Laura said brightly. "And I love Emily's curry."
"Okay. You three amuse yourselves. Laura, if you want to spend the night, there's a spare room." She laughed. "It's funny, in the end Toxic's own worldview defeated her. Because she couldn't accept the supernatural..."
"I sent her insane!" Emily entered the room. "What can I say? I'm just dangerous." she leaned against the door frame, red eyes very bright. "It was fun, though. Can Laura join our group? She just finished school, she's got lots of money..."
"I'll think about it," Sis replied.
"Please," I added. I like Laura, and maybe she could get me my own motorbike. Okay, so I'd probably crash it, but still, it would look cool.
"I'll think it over. But not tonight. I've got a date!" she hurried into her room. Laura giggled as he took off her belt and sat down on the arm-rest near my head.
"Your sister's funny. Want to try to get those two to marry?"
I smiled.
"Yeah and yeah."
"Me too!" Emily joined us. Yes, we were conspiring.
What about Toxic knowing Sis's secret identity? Well, since Toxic thinks she's Charles Darwin, no-one's going to believe a word she says!

Have yourself a black smoky little Christmas

A crisp snow had fallen on London, and Hampstead was blanketed in white. The village centre, that preserves its character as more than just another part of London, was beautiful in the early morning light, and the Christmas morning meant that the streets were empty.
Apart from one person. Sally Fairbairn, aged fifteen, was out walking her dog. She was enjoying the snowy morning, not a care in the world. The dog was sniffing happily. She turned into Hampstead churchyard, a semi-wild place, and somewhere she really shouldn't have gone alone.
It was then that Sally felt the oppressive presence. She turned to face a terrifying figure. The man was drunk, if not worse, and he was a vagrant, his intentions all too obvious. Sally was no match for his strength. He grabbed her and tore her coat open. She tried to scream, but no sound came.
Then the vagrant screamed. He let go of Sally and fell to the ground, cursing and clutching his bleeding leg.
Behind him was revealed a figure that, though smaller than that of the vagrant, was even more terrifying. It was the size and shape of a little girl, about thirteen, but black and smoky, with twin glowing red eyes its only discernible features. The body was transparent and indistinct, like some sort of phantom. One hand seemed to be holding some sort of dagger.
It faced the red-haired teenager, silent, apparently startled to see her.
"Th.. the Outsider?" Sally asked, fearful, yet relieved at what the Outsider had done to help her. The Outsider might look sinister, but...
She moved towards the black smoky figure and held out a hand impulsively.
"You're a girl, aren't you? I'm Sally Fairbairn..."
"I... I know," The Outsider said with some difficulty. "I know who you are..."
"Last year someone put some presents without a name on around our tree," Sally said. "We found them after you stopped some burglars robbing us. Was it you?"
The Outsider was silent.
"So it was you! And you came back this year, because I saw those new presents there! That's why you're here!"
Again the Outsider said nothing.
"That's a Katar you're holding, isn't it? An Indian thrusting dagger. My uncle showed me one before he was killed in India. I thought my cousin Emily was killed then as well, but you're Emily, aren't you?"
The Outsider's eyes widened in shock.
"How did you know?"
"The things you bought us last year. You're still Emily. Come on home with me! You can have Christmas with us!"
"I can't. I'm a creepy black smoky thing..."
"I bought you something."
The Outsider took Sally's hand.
"Okay. I'll come back with you..."
Sally's dad brought Emily home that night. I've never seen her so happy in my life. She had so many presents, and she was very, very sleepy. Emily had had the first family Christmas since her parents were murdered, and she deserved it.

Evolve or die! 35

[Back to the Girl in Grey]
I was still in the dark, in Toxic's headquarters. Diana had fallen asleep, but I was still very much awake, unable to get out of my chair. Toxic had searched me far more comprehensively than I'm ever comfortable with, and got all my escape equipment. That meant trouble, and I don't mean perhaps. My feet were cold too. I hoped Scruff and Emily had been able to stop Toxic.
"Hi, Grey!"
I saw her enter, and I sighed.
"Laura! I thought you gave it up!"
"No, I went back to Cheltenham. Being the Black Kitten is just way too cool to give up."
Still, I was glad to see the girl's green eyepieces. She was on my side, and I sort of like that.
"You've come to rescue me?"
"Well, of course! But Scruff insisted we stop Toxic first, so you missed all the fun."
"Where IS Scruff?"
"At home with Emily. Toxic bust one of her ribs..."
"So you're driving my car?"
"Yeah, that too."
Typical Scruff. Let a delinquent teenager in a skin-tight black outfit drive my car. Honestly, Kid sisters! AND she had all the fun beating Toxic. Life just wasn't fair, and I don't mean perhaps.
"Where is Toxic?"
"Probably in a padded cell. She was a materialist and a naturalist, and Emily just... had a rather interesting effect on her," Laura explained while untying me.
"Meaning that Toxic just went completely bananas?"
"Yeah. Totally bananas."
"Great," I said with a satisfied smile.
Diana stirred awake. I smiled down at her.
"Hey! Diana! We're being rescued. Toxic's been beaten by my kid sister and her friends."
"Your Kid sister's got some pretty handy friends. I... wow!" Diana stared at Laura.
"Black Kitten. Okay, let's get out of here."
And we did.

Evolve or die! 34

[Still Scruff, the Girl in Grey's mega-cool sister, trying to stop Toxic killing thousands.
"No!" I protested. "You'll kill thousands of people!"
"Thousands of unfit people, people who are no better than parasites on the face of the globe. Human evolution has stopped. Unless the human race begins to evolve once more, we are all doomed to extinction! They must die, little girl, so that the rest of us can live!"
We were manhandled to the edge of the viewing area, above the hub. Toxic took a glass tube from her right boot.
"And now evolution will begin again! The reign of superstition and weakness will end! The age of reason will come at last!"
I was in too much pain from my side to try to get free. I could see Laura was struggling, but she was held fast.
"Toxic, you're insane!" she cried.
"They said Columbus was mad, they said... ow!"
She dropped her glass tube onto the concrete floor, where it broke, and stared in horror at the crossbow bolt that stuck out of her right arm.
"They said Caligula was mad," Emily said, her red eyes blazing. Toxic stared in abject horror at the black smoky girl as she stepped forward.
"What's the matter, Toxic, can't face the fact that you just lost?" Laura said. Toxic did not answer, she just carried on staring at the Outsider.
"Blimey!" one of the thugs cried. "It's the bloomin' Outsider! Scarper!"
The men let go of me and Laura and ran for their lives. Toxic remained rooted to the spot.
"No!" she got out at last. "It's impossible! You can't exist!"
"I exist," Emily said. "So what?"
"There's no such thing as the Outsider! She's a myth, she's superstition! You can't exist!"
"I'm a magically-powered assassin..."
"No! You can't exist! You don't exist!" Toxic sank to the floor, hands held to her temples. Emily dissolved into a gas and drifted over to her.
"But I do. Look!"
"No! no Outsider! No magic! No! No! No!"
she was gibbering with fear now. I smiled painfully at Laura.
"Hey, Black Kitten, what do you know, Black-and-Smoky just has to look at Toxic to make her go nuts."
"Yeah. Guess her naturalistic worldview can't take it," Laura agreed, pulling back her cowl to wipe blood from her mouth. Toxic was screaming in terror now, as Emily swirled around her, laughing. Emily can be really funny sometimes, but Toxic didn't think so.
It was about then that Toxic passed out.
"I think we can go let your sister out now," Laura said. "I'll drive."
I just nodded. My broken rib really hurt.

Infernal Revenue

I opened my inbox this morning to find the following e-mail waiting for me:

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund under section 501 (c) (3) of the Internal Revenue Code. Tax refund value is $203.59.
Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 3-9 days in order to IWP the data received.

If you distribute funds to other organizations, your records must show whether they are exempt under section 497 (c) (15). In cases where the recipient org. is not exempt under section 497 (c) (15), you must have evidence the funds will
be used for section 497 (c) (15) purposes.

If you distribute fund to individuals, you should keep case histories showing the recipient's name and address; the purpose of the award; the manner of section; and the relationship of the recipient to any of your officers, directors, trustees, members, or major contributors.

To access the form for your tax refund, please click here


Regards,
Internal Revenue Service
Copyright 2007, Internal Revenue Service U.S.A. All rights reserved

I replied:

Dear Criminal idiot.

You are caught in my trap. You see, unknown to you, I am in fact a British crime-fighter who maintains the U.S. based e-mail address that you contacted for the purpose of trapping gullible fools like you. Your information has been passed on to the Sparrow, who is even at this moment draining your bank account and sending its contents to your previous victims, Whatever remains will go to charity. Oh, and expect a visit from the law. And if you happen to escape them, I'd be more than happy to teach you a few lessons. I warn you, it won't be pleasant, as I've learned that people like you need to be taught the lesson that crime does not pay, and you need to be taught it painfully.

Yours in anticipation

The Girl in Grey

Copyright 2007, The Girl in Grey, U.K. All rights reserved

Charles Edward ('Chuck') Wilkerson, sender of the message, is now penniless and languishing in a prison hospital. Emily had to stick her dagger in him a couple of times before he confessed.
A word to my readers. You know better than to think these 'phishing' scams are for real. The government NEVER gives you money!

Evolve or die! 33

[Scruff here, the Girl in Grey's cool teenaged sister and world's best sidekick]
Laura (Black Kitten) Moriarty and me fell back before the blindling blaze of Toxic's glove-mounted magnesium flare. I cried out in pain. Those things really hurt the eyes!
A green-gloved fist socked me in the jaw, and I fell back, only to be socked in the jaw again. I struck back, fighting blind against an opponent whose vision was fine, protected by her goggles. I hoped Laura's eyepieces had protected her eyes, otherwise I was going to be severely battered.
"So Jane sends her little sister to fight me!" Toxic spart as she punched me in the tummy. I squeaked in alarm.
"Ow!" I tasted blood in my mouth. Toxic's nasty. But then, if she was concentrating on me, she was ignoring someone who was far more dangerous, Laura. Still, I don't like being punched in the mouth. It hurts, and I'm way too young to want to get a tooth knocked out.
"You want to stop me! You religious people are weak, scared that I'll start human evolution again, that I'll destroy your little scheme! But you'll fail! You always fail!"
Nutcase, I know. But aren't half the super-villains in the world nutcases? Well, they are in the movies, and in the comic books. And the ones Sis fights.
I still couldn't see properly when Toxic threw me to the floor and kicked me in the ribs, where something snapped. Lying there in agony I heard Laura's yelps as Toxic beat her up.
She must have had her night vision lenses in place when Toxic let fly with that magnesium flare, I thought. That must have REALLY hurt. Hey, Laura's pretty cool, but people can be so NASTY to you when you've got those night vision lenses in. Yeah, but we chose to do this the hard way, rather than call the cops in. Hey, there's nothing cool about calling the cops when you've got the skills we have and could deal with the problem yourself.
My vision was starting to clear, and I was trying to forget what Toxic had done to my side. It's not at all fun, and I don't like hospitals. But I do like lying on the couch watching TV, so maybe it wasn't so bad. I'd have Emily to keep me company as well.
And right now Emily was our best hope for stopping Toxic. Times like that I wish I was good at chemistry as well as computers and fighting. But then I'd be the world's biggest geek, and that I don't want.
Someone grabbed me and pulled me roughly to my feet. I yelled in agony.
"Hey! I've got a broken rib here!" I protested.
"Yeah? Well I'll break some more of you," the thug said roughly. Once my vision had cleared again I saw that another thug held Laura fast. Toxic took off our belts and laughed.
"And now you'll see my triumph, the triumph of evolution!" she crowed in insane triumph. "Nothing in the world can stop me now!"

Evolve or die! 32

[Still Scruff, having the time of my life stopping the evil Toxic from killing every drug addict in London by adding something nasty to the water. Laura Moriarty, alias the uber-cool Black Kitten, and Emily Fairbairn, the super-scary Outsider, are helping me. 'Cos they're my friends.]
The Black Kitten hurled herself through the door after Toxic, her costume's black tail whipping through the door after her. I faced three very angry London thugs, each twice my size. I'm rather small. But then, they only knew how to slug people they didn't like. I do Judo and Karate and stuff.
Using my cape like a bullfighter does (and these guys were sort of like bulls. Big and fierce and sweaty and stupid), I fought them, using my small size against these huge thugs (like Sis said, I think there's a captive breeding programme for them). They were slow too, and I'm quick. Hey, I may look like a scruffy computer geek, but really I'm a pretty good gymnast. I leaped, letting two thugs crack heads. Next I kicked the third in the head, and he bellowed with rage.
Like I said, bull-like. And very, very stupid. I mean, they should be grateful I don't kill casually the way Emily does.
I smacked one man's head into the concrete wall, and he suddenly became very quiet and started sleeping peacefully on the floor.
One down, two left. A simple Judo throw smacked one into the other, and a kick laid one out.
I faced the remaining very angry thug with a smile. One of the cool things about my hair is that it's so messy already I don't care about getting it mussed in fights.
"Grrr. I'll break you, little girl!"
"I don't think so!"
I hit him with a haymaker to the jaw. Sometimes the easy stuff's the best. A lot of these thugs have glass jaws too - that's why they're not boxers.
The man whent down like a felled tree, and I cheered myself. Hey, there was no-one else around to do it. And I felt I deserved it. Three thugs, and they hadn't even been able to lay a finger on me. I rock! I am just SO cool. And Emily says I'm getting big-headed. Sorry.
I ran after Laura. I saw her ahead, grappling with Toxic. Toxic's gun was on the floor, and she was obviously quite evenly matched with Laura. The Black Kitten was trying to wrestle Toxic to the floor, while Toxic was just trying to get Laura off of her.
Time for me to help, I thought.
"Hey, Toxic! You suck!"
Well, I wanted to distract her.
Toxic ignored me, and I ran to help beat her up. Suddely the villainess touched one of the cylinders on her right glove, and a brilliant blue flash blinded both of us.

The man who said he was Wong

This morning I opened one of my e-mail accounts to find this e-mail:

Hello:

I am Mr. Peter Wong, one of Hang Seng Bank Ltd board of directors here in Hong Kong. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information. I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. I know you would be wondering why I am writing you with a request such as this but I only urge you to read on.

I need your co-operation in receiving US$10.5Million that has been in a dormant account with my bank since 1997 under inheritance claim. 30% of the total sums will be accrued to you upon the confirmation of the funds in your nominated account. Although it may seem small, but you have to understand and accept this since 40% of the total sum will go to charity, as my entitlement here is also 30%.

The account holder is late and I being his account officer, I have tried to reach any of the next trustees, but to no avail and since I am not in position to make the claim to myself, I can establish you before the bank as the heir to the bequest. It is very important that the claim is made, as the bank will turn the funds over to the treasury anytime from now if it remains unclaimed.

I will provide you with detailed information on the modalities of this operation once I have your interest but I must say that trust flourishes business. Therefore let your conscience towards this proposal be nurtured with sincerity.

Peter Wong

I replied.

Dear Mr. Wong (if that is your real name, which I doubt).

You need to get a proper job. Perhaps you'll be able to get training in prison. You expected me, no doubt, to jump at the offer of 30% of ten million dollars. Unfortunately I will do no such thing. First, I'm already extremely wealthy. Second, what you propose is very, very illegal, and thirdly, your name is not Peter Wong, you do not work for the Hang Seng Bank of Hong Kong, and you do not have ten million dollars to do anything with anyhow. 'Trust flourishes business', you say, but a fool and his money are soon parted, and I don't trust the sort of man who sends these e-mails any further than I can throw him. I intend to find out how far I can throw you as soon as possible. Which will be very soon, by the way.

You see, your proposal, even if it was true, would be very illegal, and there's no honour among thieves. To trust you I'd have to be every sort of a mug. And I mean EVERY sort!

You were more than a little 'Wong' when you targeted me for your scam, pal. You see, I am not the mug that you supposed me to be. Nor am I an undercover law officer. I am in fact a costumed crime-fighter known as the Girl in Grey, and I have a wonderful teenaged sidekick who has the sort of computer skills that are almost required in sidekicks today. She has already traced your REAL location, and we will be paying you a visit shortly. Oh, did I mention I'm a Judo expert and I need a workout?

Yours in anticipation of beating you up

The Girl in Grey.

Actually I set the Sparrow on him first. She quietly emptied his bank account in Nigeria while Scruff, Emily and me flew to Lagos. We are now on our way back, and the man who said he was Wong is now learning a new career -sewing mailbags. He also now knows how far I can throw him. Well, he'd have gone further, but a wall got in the way. Still, medical science today can work wonders.

Evolve or die! 31

[Still Scruff, foiling Toxic with the aid of Laura Moriarty, the cool Black Kitten, and Emily Fairbairn, the cool and sinister Outsider]
Toxic ran for the hub of the water treatment plant, whilst five of her men tried to keep us pinned down with gunfire. I saw the flashes of their pistols and turned to Laura.
"Black Kitten..."
"Time to rely on Emily. Outsider?"
"You think these men are getting in the way?"
Five crossbow bolts, five dead thugs. Emily's very effective. But she was trained as an assassin, after all. She's kind of fun.
We ran down the grass bank to where the truck was parked. It was listing on two wheels.
"You die!"
A huge sword-wielding thug who looked like a retired Sumo wrestler (and he was, we found that out afterwards) leaped down from the van at us.
"Banzai!" he cried.
"Leave him to me!" I heard Emily draw her own sword. "I need to keep in practice!"
The Japanese thug's sword met The Outsider's Indian blade. She laughed.
"Hello, Sumo," she said. "My, aren't you a big target!"
And Emily, being thirteen, slim and black and smoky, isn't a big target at all.
Sis says there are two types of sword-wielding criminals. Those who know how to use their swords and those who don't. I'm afraid Mr. Sumo was the sort who does. But then, Emily's so cool, and she's got so many weapons.
We didn't stay to watch her fight. Instead we sprinted after Toxic, boots silent on the asphalt (hey, they're meant to be). If Toxic got that stuff in London's water supply, thousands would die and we'd have to use bottled water for weeks. I hate both those things, so I wasn't going to let Toxic win. My cape flapped behind me, and Laura's tail flapped behind her. I don't think I'd have a tail on my costume, but it's hers.
We burst into the 'hub, and Toxic whirled to face us.
"Gun them!" she cried.
But Toxic appeared not to know that London crooks are lousy shots. Hey, it's illegal to own a pistol in this country, so there aren't any clubs where they can practice. They're not trained, they just throw lead about the place.
Laura and me dodged flying lead. Laura finally unleashed the two razor-edged Ninja throwing stars she'd drawn from her belt a while back, and one of the gunmen dropped his gun. I kicked the gun from another's hand, and pulled off my cape, which I used the disarm the last man.
They still wanted to hit me, so I let Laura run past me.
We HAD to stop Toxic.

Evolve or die! 30

[More of me, Scruff, the Girl in Grey's cool teenaged sister, fighting crime with the uber-cool Black Kitten and the Outsider, who's also very cool]
"Toxic's here!" I hissed. Emily drew her crossbow and Laura dipped a hand into one of the equipment pouches in her belt. I decided not to ask what she was going to use - it couldn't be much more deadly than Emily, after all. Hey, Emily was trained to kill people!
"We've got to get to the hub before they do!" I warned. Laura nodded.
"Okay. Emily, cover us. Come on!"
I kept my black cape (boy, I'm glad I didn't pick a 1940s Robin costume. Cold legs AND a yellow cape!) drawn over my colourful costume. Laura was just invisible in her black outfit. Our night-vision lenses meant we didn't have any trouble seeing, despite the fact that the lights were out.
And boy what we saw! Toxic was a woman in a skin-tight green spandex costume. I heard Laura chuckle next to me.
"Is spandex really that functional?" she asked.
"Says girl in show-off black outfit," I joked back. I noticed that Toxic had some sort of gun stuck in the top of her right boot, and devices I didn't like the look of at all on the backs of her gloves. But then she was a super-villain.
"I'll go first," Laura whispered to me. "I don't have any exposed skin in this costume, so if she tries some sort of contact poison, I'll be okay."
"And if she tries to dissolve your costume with acid?"
"She's got another thing coming. I'm a whizz at chemistry."
The more I knew Laura, the more I thought she was very, very cool.
"I'll follow up. I may be a bit of a geek, but I do Judo as well."
"I've got a crossbow," Emily pointed out. "I can shoot from here."
"The truck tyres," Laura advised. "We need to keep them from escaping."
"As you wish."
Two bolts left Emily's little black crossbow in quick succession, puncturing the tyres of the truck on the side we could see. With a hiss of air the tyres deflated.
"We're being attacked!" Toxic cried. She pulled a mobile 'phone from her belt, but Emily shot it from her hand - breaking it in the process, of course. That's the fun thing about mobile 'phones, I guess, villains just buy theirs the same place the rest of us do.
"It's that Girl in Grey's friends!" Toxic cried venemously. "Shoot to kill!"
The result of that was predictable. Emily shot one of Toxic's men through the heart. She's kind of lethal like that.
"Hold them off! I'll plant the poison!"
Toxic and three of her men ran whilst the others tried to hold us off.
We were seriously racing against time!

Evolve or die! 29

[More of me, Scruff]
We stopped dead at the sound of the guard's voice and turned around. He didn't have a gun, of course - hey, he was a British security guard. They don't let them have guns, and quite right too. Guns hurt people.
The guard was speechless for a moment as he saw us. Hey, like I said, cool costumes. And Emily just looks cool all the time. We kind of rock.
Apparently he gave Emily an opening. She fired her crossbow, smashing the guard's radio before he could report us. Bless the little crossbow-expert! She's dark and scary, and she kills people, but she is very, very cool. And when she fires that little crossbow of hers, she hits the target. UNLIKE all those losers on the BBC's 'Robin Hood'. Boy that show sucks... But Emily says I'm getting off-topic again. Hey, look, if you're going to make a show about Robin Hood, who's probably one of the coolest characters in the world, it's not hard to make the show cool, is it? But the BBC show... well, it's just not cool, that's all. Anyhow, back to the story...
Laura followed up for Emily, showing her athletic and martial arts ability. She knocked the guard out cold with two kicks. I was kind of impressed, and I'm not exactly a bad fighter myself. Emily does things with weapons, Laurra uses her hands and feet, and me? I'm the girl who does stuff with computers.

"He's out," Laura whispered. Emily and me moved silently over the grass to join her.
"Hey, good work, Black Kitten," I said. Laura's mask isn't the most expressive in the world. I know she got the idea from Batgirl, but it still looks cool. She pulls it off - she's got the figure for it. Me, I prefer my Robin outfit anyhow.
We moved silently across the grass to the buildings of the water treatment works. There we waited in the shadows, scanning the surroundings with our night-vision lenses.
The way was clear, and we moved forward. I'd got a plan of the plant off the internet (I am SUCH a geek like that), and we knew where Toxic would have to go to introduce her poison to the plant.
"Hey," Laura whispered, "I thought these plants purified the water."
"They do," I whispered back. "But the process isn't infallible. Why, I heard there was a case years ago when a chemical spill in Wales turned the whole of Liverpool's water supply into TCP mouthwash. The spilled cemical reacted with something in the treatment process to create the mouthwash."
"Ew! Imagine making coffee with that!"
"Yeah," I smiled.
There was the hub, the place where Toxic would have to insert the chemical. And once it was introduced into the water supply, thousands would be doomed.
I saw the van drive up, and I knew.
Toxic was here!

Evolve or die! 28

[Still Scruff. Like I said, you'd get bored reading about Sis and Diana]

I drove the Grey Car fast through London. Yeah, I don't have a licence yet (I'm still not old enough), but I am THE safest driver on the planet, and I'm not kidding. I've never had an accident yet. And I do have a motorbike licence. The Black Kitten sat beside me, the lights of the car's dashboard reflecting off her green eyepieces. Did I say that her suit's way cool? Because it is. Not just ordinary cool either.
Did I care about my Robin costume? Not much. It's cool too. VERY cool. The sort of costume that impresses bad guys. And right now we were on our way to deal with Toxic. Me, Laura Moriarty, Alias the Black Kitten, and Emily Fairbairn, alias The Outsider. Together we were the three most dangerous teenagers on the planet (how cool is that?). We were going to stop Toxic from killing thousands of people by putting the second part of a two part poison in London's water supply. We were also going to hurt some crooks, but that's really Laura and Emily's department, not mine. I guess it's why they're still friends after Emily shot Laura's Dad and killed him.

The Canning Town water treatment works is pretty huge, and brand new. It does water treatment for half of London, if Toxic poisoned its supply, we'd be in big trouble, and I don't mean perhaps.
Of course, we couldn't get in through the front gate. First of all, like I said, Sis is kind of like the Green Hornet. The cops all think she's a crook, so I couldn't drive her car up to the front gate. Second, the Black Kitten's got an even worse reputation, and third, that just ISN'T cool at all. There's no fun if you don't get to beat up bad guys!
So I drove round the back and parked in a quiet lane where no-one could see us. I got out, and Laura and Emily followed me. Me! I was in charge!

We pretty quickly found a tree that overhung the chain-link fence, climbed up it, and dropped over into the water treatment works. I have to say, I was really glad terrorists like to drive car-bombs into stuff, not sneak in, otherwise my plan wouldn't have worked. But it did! Laura's cool costume has night vision lenses, so she was okay. I had my own night vision goggles, and of course Emily can see in the dark. Actually that was our only problem - her eyes glow, and while it's cool and scary, it's also kind of easy to spot.
We moved silently over the grass. Then I heard a voice behind us.
"Stop where you are and turn around!"
We'd been rumbled!

Evolve or die! 27

[Still Scruff. Sis could tell you all about being tied up in Toxic's base, but it's really boring, trust me.]
We spent the rest of the day in Laura's pool, figuring there was nothing much we could do till it was dark anyhow, and we might as well relax (Sis was mad at me for doing that, but she's my big sister, so she's meant to do that. And it was great fun too. Hey, we don't have a pool at home, so Emily and me wanted to use Laura's while we could). After a light supper we got into our costumes. Laura's outfit is SO cool, and I don't mean maybe. It's black and sinister-looking. I wish I'd thought of it, but no, I get stuck with my Robin outfit. Hey, not that I mind that, but... well, just seeing Laura's outfit made me feel a whole lot less cool. I guess... well, being with Laura's kind of like standing next to Batman. Whatever you're wearing makes you feel less cool. Unless you're Dr. Fate, I guess, he has a REALLY cool outfit. Emily says I'm getting off-topic, so I'll get back on it.
Laura's costume was cool. There's just not a lot more I can say about it. World's coolest outfit after Dr. Fate.

Usually the Black Kitten uses a really cool black motorbike, but we couldn't fit hers in the boot, so she rode up front with me in the Grey Car (cool car, not so cool name, but hey, it's not my car). Last time she rode in it, she was in a state, but now she bounced up and down on the comfortable leather seat.
"Hey, comfy seats!"
"Sis uses the car for stake-outs," I explained. "That means we need comfy seats."
"Electric back-massagers?"
"Don't push your luck."
"Can't have everything," Laura agreed. Hearing her cheery voice coming from behind that blank mask was kind of odd. Kind of like Emily's kind of creepy. Only not so creepy, if you know what I mean. I mean, Emily's kinda creepiness personified, being black and smoky with glowing red eyes. She kind of scared me last time I walked in on her in the shower. But that's another story...
I started the car.
"Black Kitten grapple. Check," Laura said. Emily giggled.
"You two have been watching daytime TV again," I warned.
"Who cares! We're off!"
And we were. Laura used a device in her belt to open the gates of the house for us, and the Grey Car sped off, into the night. Emily loaded her crossbow. We were out hunting! And our prey was called Toxic!