Sunday With Scruff 2. Prosperity Scruff?

The other Lord's Day (the Decons at Salem prefer me to call it that) Alice took me to visit the Almighty God Tabernacle of Faith in Peckham (and people say Strict Baptist Chapel names are funny!). This time I decided to go as myself. Mostly because I managed to set fire to myself last time I went in disguise, and I ended up under suspicion of being a Strict Baptist spy.
We took a train to Peckham Rye, and then we got lost. It was kind of scary being in Peckham after dark. I wanted to go in to a big old Baptist Church we passed, but Alice said it was just like Salem only everyone there was black and they didn't have an organist, so we didn't go in.
The Almighty God Tabernacle of Faith was a big old factory that the Almighty God of Faith Church bought last year, and it still looked like a big old factory. We were greeted enthusiastically by two young people at the door and shown inside, where a band was playing very loud music. I noticed that everyone in the room seemed to be under forty, which is kind of different from Salem, where the average age is fifty (although that's a mean, and it's pushed up by Mrs. Anderson, who's 98 and Mrs. Bourne who's 97). Most of the congregation was black, but then it's Peckham. Oh, and I actually fitted in pretty well with my baggy clothes and untidy hair. It wasn't like the Puddle, which seemed to be full of twenty-to-thirty-somethings

Alice and I prayed before the service, then a girl in a tight top and jeans read a Bible verse to start off with, then the band began to play. People raised their hands and I felt sort of out of place. We don't do that at Salem, and if ANYONE tried to do that at the School chapel, they'd have been given detention or something. Perhaps something worse than the month's detention I got for building a tower out of hymnbooks during the Bishop's sermon. They never put me on door-duty again either.
We had about an hour of singing. I thought I recognised one of the songs, but then I realised I only knew the tune, and I got funny looks for singing the secular words. They were pretty uninhibited, and I did a little bit of dancing, which Alice thought was very funny. I tought Alice was a bit mean to think that.
I felt pretty good after all that singing and dancing, although I think some of the regulars thought I was a crazy white girl (they were right too). I sat down and the pastor bounded on stage. Sis says I ought to write 'platform', but it was a stage, like at a rock concert (and I mean JUST like at a rock concert).
The Pastor was trying to be like an American Word-Faith preacher, but he was from East London and sounded like Michael Caine.
"Welcome to the Almighty God Tabernacle of Faif," he said. "Our God is an awesome God, an' if yer don't agree wiv me I'll see yer after the service. Now, our God loves a cheerful giver, so if yer don't give cheerfully 'ee don't love yer. The band will now sing 'Our God is an awesome God', an' the dancers will dance, while the offering is taken up."
"I've only got a fiver," I whispered to Alice. She smiled.
"So have I."
The band started to play. I kind of got carried away and jumped up and did some dancing. The regulars looked at me as if I was a REALLY crazy white girl.
"Oh God," the Pastor said after the collection. "We fank yer fer givin' us yer bounty, an' we 'ope an' pray that yer will bless these seeds of faif." He went on like that, then we had some more worship time before the sermon.

The pastor strode back on stage for the sermon and took the mike.
"Now," he said. "God is waitin' ter bless yer. All of yer. It is 'is will that all of yer oughta be blessed wiv money an' prosperity an' 'ealth. Nah, 'ee wants yer ter be 'appy, an' if yer ain't 'appy it's unbelief, an' that's a sin. If yer ain't rich, it's because yer a sinner, an' yer ain't lettin' God inter yer life."
"That's not true!" I shouted. Suddenly everyone was looking at me.
"It ain't true?" the pastor said sarcastically.
"No! What about the Rich man and Lazarus? The rich man went to hell and Lazarus the beggar went to heaven. Paul was never rich. Psalm 73..."
Four huge deacons emerged from behind the pastor.
"Throw 'er aht!" he ordered. They didn't have to, I ran. I ended up sitting at the back in the Baptist Church we'd passed.
The pastor of the Almighty God Tabernacle of Faith is currently being invesigated by the police on charges of demanding money with menaces.