When The Green Man's Away, 8: I Swing Throught the air with the greatest of ease

Instantly I sprang to my feet and pulled the bullwhip from under my coat (I rarely travel without it). Rev. Wynn Wynn paused, and the criminals in the pew looked annoyed.
I wielded the whip, it curled around one of the beams of the chapel roof, and I launched myself into space, towards the pulpit.
Someone fired at me, but he missed. At that moment Samantha burst from her basket (I had left the door unlocked) and jumped down from the gallery to fight the criminals.
My left foot slammed into Wynn Wynn's glass and sent it to the floor, where its contents spilled harmlessly on the carpet (well, relatively harmlessly - the poison discoloured the carpet slightly). I landed lightly in the pulpit beside the pastor.
"What is the meaning of this?" he asked as six burly deacons carried out citizens' arrests on the two male criminals and their female companion, badly scratched by Samantha, fled.
"They were trying to kill you," I explained. "Your water was poisoned."
He looked down at the carpet, where the glass had fallen. Sure enough, the water was busy foaming on the carpet.
"You're right! You just saved my life. But I'm afraid you've disrupted the service too."
"Less than your dying would have," I pointed out, not wanting to be thrown out by the deacons.
"You're right, of course. And it would have been a terrible thing for our poor denomination. There are so few left in it who really preach the Gospel..."
That was it, I thought. Derec Vedder Jones had some evil plot that involved killing all the conservative evangelicals in at least some denominations. Everything was falling into place!"
"And while you're in the pulpit, would you mind giving a children's address?" Wynn Wynn asked me quietly. "I'm no good at them."
"Samantha!" I called. She came running up the pulpit steps. I picked her up and put her on the book board. Then I smiled and started to speak to the children.
All in a day's work for little me.